Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
