Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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