It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
