You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A bitchslap is in order.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
