I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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