I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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