so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
