went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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