I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
