the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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