They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
