I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
