So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
