I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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