Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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