her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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