it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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