I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
