Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
wow bdsm is so cute
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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