I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
