Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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