Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
