I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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