I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
