Just cropdusted the office
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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