Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
