I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
