so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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