nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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