Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This baby is an asshole
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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