She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
