yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
