Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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