I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
