I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
