My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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