bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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