this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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