If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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