Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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