just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
