Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
