Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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