Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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