so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
