Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
