she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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