There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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