mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
