i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
