OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
