Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
