Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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