I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
