finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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