I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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