you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
