I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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