hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
