How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
