The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
