If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
