Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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