my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
